The Desires of My Heart vs. The Heart of My Desires

On the last night of my Colombia missions trip, I lead a team devotional on the Heart of Our Desires.  I began with a piece of handmade paper for everyone and wrote the following verse on the top of it.

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

I then asked the team members to write out what the desires of their hearts were on that paper, put it in the envelope provided, seal it, sign it  and date it - June 27th, 2011.  As a team we decided that Christmas Day would be a good day for us to open the letters. Today is Christmas Day.

I heard a speaker a couple of years ago who spoke on the heart of our desires.  God tells us that He will give us the desires of our heart, but we don't always get what we want. Why not?  God sees the big picture and He knows what we truly want and not just what we want at the moment.  It is kind of like that big huge piece of chocolate cake sitting in front of me calling my name.  Although that cake looks amazing, that dress in the store window that I need to lose 20 lbs to fit into will look so much more amazing than that chocolate cake will taste. 

So tonight I opened my envelope to see what it was I thought the desires of my heart were almost 6 months ago.  It is funny because a couple of the things on the list wouldn't be there if I wrote it today and if I were to re-write it, there would be other things that would be on it, but aren't there now.  Some things I am in the process of accomplishing and other things are on the list and remain on the list, but for now God says, "Not yet, my child."  So I continue to wait, but actively waiting, continuing to go forward becoming who I was created to be.

I put my letter back into the envelope and back into its special spot.  I have decided I want to look at it in another 6 months on the first anniversary of the day I wrote it.  It was a good lesson for me.  I love it.  I continue to trust that God has my best interests at heart and He just wants me to grow more into the woman He created me to be, a woman of love, of life and of passion.  I am getting there one day at a time.

It was a great Christmas gift. 

So What Is Christmas About Anyway?

I can tell you what it is not about... it is not about the tree with the beautiful light bulbs, or the garland and decorations.  It is not about the reindeer on the front lawn or the houses so beautifully decorated.  It is not about the jolly old man in the red suit.  It is not about standing in line at the mall waiting to pay for the gift you settled on for Aunt Sally because you couldn't find anything better.  It is not about all the baking.  It is definitely not about the peanut butter cups or the caramel corn I have been making and making and making.  It just isn't. 

Some of us get so busy at this time of year with concerts and party after party after party, that we are so exhausted and we end up forgetting what it is that is truly important and what or should I say who Christmas is about anyway.  Just look at the first 6 letters in the name of the holiday and you will see who it is... it is Christ who is the centre of Christmas. Why is it that we get so busy celebrating the day that we forget about Him? 

He came as a little baby so he could experience life as we experience it. He was born in a dirty old barn; a feed trough was his bed.  His first visitors were shepherds, the lowly shepherds, the ones who took care of the sheep.  He came with the goal of dying, so that we wouldn't have to.  A little baby, just a little baby who came to save us.  His birthday is coming and He wants us to celebrate by loving Him and loving one another.

Some people are in it for what they can get, not for what they can give.  He wants us to be in it for Him, loving Him by loving others.  He wants us to love our neighbour.  So who is our neighbour? It isn't just the family next door, it is the woman across town that needs a ride to her doctor's appointment; it is the homeless guy who just wants something to eat.  It is the single mom who just needs someone to come alongside her and encourage her on her path. It is a lot of ordinary people.

Matthew 25:34-40 says,  “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world.  For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

“Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink?  Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing?  When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’"

I don't know about you, but I want to be able to stand before Him and be one of those who He calls blessed by His Father.  So today, I couldn't care less about wrapping gifts, I couldn't care less about what is under the tree for me.  I just want to be one of those people who is ready to love those who Jesus loves.  For Christmas this year I want eyes to see like Jesus sees, I want a heart like His. 

For me, Christmas is about a baby who came to revolutionize the world.  One thing I know for sure is that 2011 is the year He revolutionized my life. 

Happy Birthday Baby Jesus.

Phenomenal!

If you have walked into my office the last few weeks and asked me how I am, my answer has usually been "Phenomenal!"  One of the professors in particular would increasingly roll his eyes at my response and walk away without engaging in further conversation.  The other day when he was at my desk he asked how I was and he got the same "Phenomenal" and his response was, "Okay really? Someone needs to tone it down."  I looked at him and told him why I am "Phenomenal!"

This year, 2011 has been the most amazing year of my life.  Since my trip to Colombia, God simply flipped my life upside down and I feel like I am a totally new person, willing to take on life.  I work in a place that I love, with people that I love.  I became a grandmother to a beautiful little girl. Life is Phenomenal!  (I should have added I have a beautiful daughter and I am blessed to have amazing friends! All true.)  As I told this professor why Phenomenal was such an ongoing answer he smiled, shook his head and said that maybe he should stop being so "grinch-like."

I wouldn't have thought that 2011 would be this way because of the way it started, but as the year progressed God started doing some amazing things in my life, in my heart, healing past hurts, opening my eyes to truths that I didn't connect before between my head and my heart. I am re-evaluating so many things, because I am becoming a different individual. 

Isaiah 43:18-19 says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." 

I am becoming more bold, willing to try new things, do things I never thought I would even attempt before.  I participated in my first 5k this year, walking, but I was in it.  What a blast! So now I cannot wait to see what God has in store for 2012; it's coming soon.

So how am I? Life is more than just good; life is more than just great.  Life is PHENOMENAL!

Negativity and a New Day

I have a new partner in my office, well, she is relatively new, she has only been there for three months.  The other day we were talking and I mentioned that at least once a year I will lose my voice, and she commented that she couldn't wait because then she could have fun with it. Wouldn't you know it, I woke up the next morning without my voice.  Coincidence? Perhaps, or perhaps the negativity I spoke over my life was like a self fulfilling prophesy of sorts. 

Why is it that we are so quick to think about the negative, about what can go wrong, instead of focusing on the positive and what can go right?  Lately, a lot has been going right in my world.  Since my missions trip to Colombia in June, my world seems to have turned upside down, in a positive way, not a negative way.  So why is it, that I still tend to focus on the negative from time to time? 

Just last week, to prove to myself that I could do it, I took a trip to Chicago for the day, flew in in the morning and flew out at night. I had the most amazing day.  While sitting in the airport waiting for my return flight, I was texting with a friend. During that conversation I told my friend that I hated driving.  His response was, "Really? Why?"  Funny thing is, I had to think about it before I could answer.  I did answer, but it was a pretty lame answer.  What I came to realize is that I don't love driving, but I don't hate it either; I do it because it is a necessity in order to get to where I want to go. 

Because my life has been turned upside down, I can no longer go by the same old preferences.  I no longer hate big cities.  I no longer hate driving.  I no longer fear being alone, I don't prefer it, but I don't fear it.  I need to start paying closer attention to what I say before I say it.  I need to focus more on the positives of life, instead of the negatives.


Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."  I don't see negativity in that list anywhere.  Good thing!

I Thessalonians 5:16-18, 21 say, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus......Test everything. Hold on to the good."  I like the way verse 21 ends, "Hold on to the good." That is more like the woman that I need to be.

So when people look at me funny for saying that rain is just liquid sunshine, that's okay because I am choosing to focus on the positive and keeping my day on track.  

Today is a brand new day, a day I choose to focus on what is true and noble and right, pure and lovely and admirable, excellent and praiseworthy.  Those are the things I choose to plant in my mind. 

May today be a most excellent day for you.  May you enjoy it to the fullest!

Be blessed, my friends, be blessed!

The Tolerance Zone

I have been doing the Beth Moore bible study on David at church with a bunch of women.  Last week, one of the day's homework really made me think.  The topic was the Inhumanity of Humanity, talking about when King Saul was in pursuit of David because the people liked David more and Saul felt threatened.  David had gone to a priest named Ahimelech and asked for some food for David and his men.  David deceived the priest and the priest helped him.  Saul found out and ordered that priest and all others in that town killed.  Eighty-five priests and everyone else in that town was slaughtered, with only one escaping, Ahimelech the priest that helped David. Ahimelech went and joined David and his army.  Because of the jealousy of King Saul, many people lost their lives.  (1 Samuel 21-22)

I happened to be sitting invigilating an exam while I was doing my bible study homework when I came across the question, "When was the last time you were stunned by the depravity of humanity?"  Immediately my response was The Tolerance Zone.  About 3 months ago, I was in Colombia on a missions trip with my church.  It was simply an amazing, life altering experience in many ways, but one event that occurred will never be forgotten.  We went on a tour of what they call the "tolerance zone", an area of the city where law enforcement turns a blind eye to what is going on.  There were blocks of tiled store fronts, each with a few chairs in the "window" and a hallway.  We were in the prostitution district.  Girls literally sat in the window until someone came along to purchase some time with them.  There was one young woman who looked directly at us; her image will forever be seared in my brain. 

The next question was, "How did you sort through your feelings about the situation?"  I sat and thought about it and came to the conclusion that I really hadn't sorted through it.  I sat watching these people taking this exam and inside I was feeling so helpless and so hopeless.  I tried to pray for the girls we had seen, but I wasn't getting far with it.  After sitting there contemplating it all for about 5 minutes, I needed to go on; my heart was too heavy. I couldn't allow myself to remain stuck. In the study, Beth Moore went on to reference Psalm 52, which was written by David about the time of the slaughter of the priests.  It was written directed at the man responsible for the slaughter.

Psalm 52
1 Why do you boast of evil, you mighty man?
   Why do you boast all day long,
   you who are a disgrace in the eyes of God?
2 Your tongue plots destruction;
   it is like a sharpened razor,
   you who practice deceit.
3 You love evil rather than good,
   falsehood rather than speaking the truth.
                         Selah

4 You love every harmful word,
   O you deceitful tongue!

 5 Surely God will bring you down to everlasting ruin:
   He will snatch you up and tear you from your tent;
   he will uproot you from the land of the living.
                         Selah

6 The righteous will see and fear;
   they will laugh at him, saying,
7 “Here now is the man
   who did not make God his stronghold
but trusted in his great wealth
   and grew strong by destroying others!”

 8 But I am like an olive tree
   flourishing in the house of God;
I trust in God’s unfailing love
   for ever and ever.
9 I will praise you forever for what you have done;
   in your name I will hope, for your name is good.
   I will praise you in the presence of your saints.


Beth came up with four conclusions:

"1.  God is not the author of destruction.
 2.  God will repay evil.
 3.  Our hope must be in God.
 4.  No matter how bad things look, God is good.

In the face of unimaginable horror, we must cast our imaginations on Christ, our only hope.  His Word will be our anchor when our faith is tossed like the waves."

After reading all of that I remembered something.  When we were at the Farm, what they call a "reparenting place" where children from the streets of Bogota can grow up to learn a new and different way of life - a life of love and hope, I met one young girl, who may have been about 5, whose smile stole our hearts.  The missionary shared her story with me.  T was the granddaughter of a prostitute.  The grandmother raised her daughters to be prostitutes because that was all she knew, but she wanted her granddaughter to have a better life, so T gets to live on the farm, a beautiful place in the mountains.

So how did I end up sorting through my feelings that day?  I prayed for the young women I saw in those tiled storefronts, but focused on the positive by thinking of T. 

No matter what is going on in life, we need to take it to God; leaving the justice in His hands; putting our hope in Him to take care of the situation and us and remembering that no matter what, God is good.  We may not always understand why things happen the way they do, but we can't see the big picture like our God can. I want to be able to say, like David, that "I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever."

What a Difference a Year Makes!

Wow, I just read part of a post from a year ago that surprised me.  A couple of days after the full moon last September this is what I wrote.

"A couple of days ago we enjoyed another full moon.  It was absolutely beautiful.  For a couple of days before and a couple of days after, if we are blessed with a clear sky, we can enjoy the beauty that is the full moon, in all its splendor.

They say that people see a man in the moon; that the shadows on the moon create a face.  Personally, ever since I was about 14, I can remember looking at the moon and seeing a "perfect" family portrait.  It is a dream that I hold on to, for the day when God chooses to bless me with a new "picture".  For now, I simply enjoy the beauty of the night sky and dream."
 I didn't realize how terrible that sounds, as if the family I have isn't good enough.  I am sorry for what I wrote.

I adore my daughter and she is making me a grandmother, hopefully within the next month.  I love my grandbaby's daddy.  And of course I love my grandbaby and cannot wait to meet him or her.  I come from a large biological family who I love very much, but they are not my only family - I have my heart family; the one with which God has chosen to bless me.

A couple of days ago we did enjoy another full moon and this time my full moon came with a message.  As I was leaving the church and the ladies bible study I was blessed with a full moon right in front of me.  Part of me was initially saddened because I was still waiting for that "perfect" family, as if my family lay incomplete in front of me.  It was that moment that God reminded me of something profound.  My family is perfect, my family is complete because it is the family God has chosen for me.  God may add people to it or take them away, but that doesn't mean that it is incomplete right now.  It is perfectly complete.

I am truly blessed with many around me who are family, whether by blood or by heart who have poured into my life and have chosen to walk along side me on this journey. This year God has blessed me with some people who are quickly becoming very dear to my heart, people who pour into me and allow me to pour into them, as we do this thing called life.  I have new brothers and sisters that mean the world to me and I am thankful for their investment in my life.  They are people who believe in me, who allow me to use my gifts, talents and abilities, who value me, respect me and love me. They are people who challenge me to grow and allow me to challenge them right back. I can truly say I am blessed beyond!

I still wait for the possibility of God blessing me with a man to walk beside and share life with someday, but I choose to actively wait for him, living my life for today, to bring honour and glory to my God.  I am complete. I am whole, just the way I am.

The Rock

I cannot believe it is almost a year since I started this blog.  What a year it has been.  There have been a number of firsts for me and although they have not all been easy, they have most definitely helped me to grow.

When difficulties come into our lives we have two choices, we can either allow them to make us bitter, or we can allow them to make us better, but ultimately the choice is ours. On my recent trip to Colombia, I saw a tree that simply amazed me.  This tree grew despite the apparent obstacle in its way. 

I just absolutely love this tree that has grown up over a rock. 

How many times do we try to avoid the obstacles in life so that life is easier, forgetting that it is through the difficult times in our lives that we find the most personal growth?   How many times does God allow us to go through struggles to make us stronger? The Bible never promises us an easy life, as a matter of fact there are a number of authors that state life will be difficult, but that God will use the to make us stronger people. 

James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way."

Romans 5:3-4 says, "There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next."

I know that God has amazing things in store for my life:  I know He is preparing me for what is ahead.  So when the difficulties come, I try to remember that they are for my good and His glory.  I discovered a verse this past year that really touched my heart.  

Romans 9:33 says, "Careful! I've put a huge stone on the road to Mount Zion, a stone you can't get around. But the stone is me! If you're looking for me, you'll find me on the way, not in the way."

Jesus Himself is that stone, that stone that is not in the way but on the way.  He is there with me to help me to grow. I love it!  I hope, that like that Colombian tree, I can grow despite the apparent obstacles in my path, that I will reach for the sky as I was meant to do.  How about you?

Be Blessed, my friends.

*all biblical references were taken from The Message Bible.