Today I watched a video posted on GodVine, of a 15 year old girl sharing her story. When she was only 9 years old this young girl's mother took her own life, leaving her daughter to experience the pain of a life without her mom. The girl had a positive message but has had a sad life story. The pain this young girl had to experience and will forever experience is heartbreaking.
While I watched her video I flashed back almost 26 years ago to a night when I was done with living. I had written a good-bye letter to my former husband, and a good-bye letter to my daughter. I had a jug of juice sitting on the table, a bottle of pills beside it and a glass. I went to my daughter's crib and picked her up to say good-bye for the last time. The pain was too much to bear any longer. She was only about 7 months old at the time. While she slept in my arms, I held her for about 45 minutes, sobbing and rocking her, thankful she didn't wake up. Finally I realized I could not do that to her; I put my precious daughter back in her crib and crawled into bed, leaving everything where it was on the table. As you can tell, I never did take those pills, nor did I ever get to that point again. For that I am forever thankful to my Heavenly Father.
This afternoon as I watched the video, I saw my daughter in that young girl and I saw the pain I could have caused her if I had gone through with ending my life. I picked up my cell phone and sent my daughter a quick text thanking her for saving my life. It was then that I realized that she was the same age that night as my dear little granddaughter is now. Oh, the joy that I could have missed. My daughter knows the story, she knows that she saved my life all those years ago and for that I am forever thankful.
I am not done living life. I started writing this blog almost 2 years ago as a new season of my life began, when my daughter moved out, but this new season seems to have one new season after another. There is yet another one on the horizon, one that excites me to no end, but that story is for another day.
Today I end with Jeremiah 29:11-13, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." With all my heart I just want to be the woman God is creating me to be.
No matter what you are going through right now, death is not the answer. God loves you more than you can begin to imagine and he wants to be part of your life. He has forever changed mine. Please seek help.
Here is the link to the video I watched. Unforgettable-Video-Everyone-Should-See
